The Bible’s Secret Files : Twiggy
Now, lots of people don’t know who Twiggy is mainly because Christianity, and God in particular tried to keep this a secret. Basically, at the beginning of time, God was not the only God created, although he was the most gifted. Beside his warlike twin brother, Allah and his sexually obsessed older brother Brahma…God had a cousin.
This cousin was no ordinary deity. He was retarded. Alhough Galacon (the guy who created everything , then misteriously disappeared) wanted to give him a cool name like Thornazar or Sod, all Twiggy could utter was ”Twigeeeeee”. So , this was it ! God had a retarded cousin named Twiggy. Somehow ashamed, he decided not to include the chapter about diety creation in the Bible. Even so…Twiggy’s legacy still reigns…
-Do you know why good people die all the time ? Mainly because God can’t keep Twiggy tied to the bed all the time !
-Know why Satan exists ? Because Twiggy tricked one of God’s beautiful but dumb lieutenants that God uses a syntethic lotion for his perfect skin.
-Do you know why lots of pure souls burn in hell ? Cause Twiggy messed up the Heaven and Hell indicators ! (He played ”smack the squirrel” with them)
-Know why wars are waged all the time ? Because Twiggy seems to think that throwing candy from the sky at people is good fun.
-Do you know why George W. Bush was never assasinated ? Because Twiggy had a son…
-Know why God sometimes doesn’t answer your deepest and purest prayers ? Cause Twiggy comes near his prayer-player and goes ”Neneneeeaah….Neannneanenenahh…”
-Know why the Romanian educational system exists ? Cause Twiggy likes to make lemonade out of the tears of children. (Even Satan is jealous !)
-Do you know why gay people exist ? Because…well, I don’t know…maybe they just like it that way
Graphical Description : Can’t make one, since I’m not a ”heathen”. However, most Twiggy represenations show us an old man, drooling, with a cloggy beard, an alcohool candy in one hand and a thunder in the other.
The thing is Twiggy is responsible for most evil in the world – not out of bad intentions but out of sheer stupidity. This is why we should cut God some slack and let the guy rest at times. We can pray to Twiggy instead – maybe he’ll do something good for a chance. Repeat after me : Bueaaahh..Bueaahh..Twiggeee…Money Me ! (Instead of making the sign of the cross, try hoping around in the room)
P.S : Never say his name out loud or he might hear you …he’ll wanna come and play afterwards !