Am sesizat ca pustimea care a ajuns sa asigure (in ochii unora) imaginea rock-ului si metalului se imbraca din ce in ce mai prost, gandeste din ce in ce mai putin si asculta muzica din ce in ce mai proasta. (P.S : Daca ai tricou cu Nirvana si Metallica, si daca ti se pare ca Blink 182 canta punk, nu , nu esti ”true”. Nu esti ”black metal fan” daca asculti Dimmu si Cradle…deci lasati-o mai moale si construiti-va o cultura muzicala).

Nu am de gand sa ma plang aici de adolescentii teribilisti in care a navalit pubertatea. Vreau doar sa va ofer niste link-uri spre destindere. (Cele care contin reguli ale metalului necesita o minima cunoastere a genurilor muzicale in cauza)

1.Top 10 Poze penibile din Black Metal

Mostra de inteligenta a copiilor din Finlanda (Gasita in top)

2. Un alt top al celor mai penibile poze din black metal

3. Alte top10 de pe Ruthless Reviews

-Cele mai proaste albume de metal din anii 80
-Cele mai proaste albume de black metal
-Cei mai urati metalisti

4.Acum, o reala tratatie…regulile metalului (pe categorii : new metal, black metal, power metal…)

The Rules of Metal

Simt totusi nevoia sa dau niste citate :

– The Rules of Black Metal

50. Publicly state that your band is “non-religious”, then use the word “Satan” over 400 times on your one-song thirty-minute album.
87. If possible, design the title of your album so that it consists of three completely unrelated words. Dimmu Borgir are the master of this (i.e. Enthrone Darkness Triumphant, Spiritual Black Dimensions, Puritanical Euphoric Misanthropia, Godless Savage Garden) but you may also want to refer to Immortal’s “Diabolical Fullmoon Mysticism”.
98. In order to make your recording more incomprehensible and therefore more “cult”, be sure to either select a singer who has only a tenuous grasp on the language to be sung. (Acceptable languages: Norwegian, Latin, Orcish.)
20. Sodomize anything that is not male. (Fuzzy things look out!)
14. Don’t be Dani Filth.
16. Don’t be Dani Filth.
73. Don’t be Dani Filth. (I think that’s clear)

– The Rules of Power Metal
1. You have one goal: be epic.
6. You are bound to sing about dragons, freedom, and/or power metal.
9. Swords enhance your credibility and your performance. Be sure to carry one regardless of whether or not you know anything about using one.
61. Since you can’t get away with grunts, growls, and other troll-like noises, you will have to sing.

– The Epic Sequel to the Rules of Power Metal

40. Think of some epic sounding name for your genre like ‘+1 Extreme Operatic Dragonslaying Symphonic Melodic Epic Heavy Hollywood Power Metal of the Mighty War Gods of Finland.’
67. Draw no distinctions between your stage personality and your normal life. While carrying around your sword in public might draw an uncomfortable amount of attention, it will be great publicity for your new album, “Orgul Silverleaf, Orc Hunter: the Epic Quest, Volume XIII.”
84. Women sing. They are not allowed to have any other roles in the band. This is rather unfortunate, as they are the only people in the band who would actually look GOOD with long hair.

Si sa nu uitam piesa de rezistenta : Dragons, it’s all about dragons !

The Rules of NU-Metal

61. Insert the word “fuck” in the middle of two words — ie. “I like coco-fuck-nut”
3. Make fun of popular music especially Britney Spears and any boyband. This is non-negotiable.
4. When conducting interviews always say the words “fuck”, “fag”, and “cock”.

Aveam si eu o colectie de poze mai tembele cu membri ale trupelor astora ”evil”. Nu o mai gasesc, dar poate o sa mai dau de ea.