Krossfire's Blog

Multi dintre noi , astia din generatia ”pac-pac” am avut putine distractii televizate in perioada copilariei. Cand posturile romanesti private isi faceau timid loc pe televizioarele ”cablate” si cand copilasii de 5-9 ani se holbau non-stop la desenele de pe Italia1 si TF1 , TVR1 a avut cateva emisiuni memorabile dedicate celor mici. Cele mai relevante au luat nastere in 1995 si au ocupat weekendurile multor copii din generatia mea. Desi au iritat profund parintii amatori de meciuri si stiri, macar oamenii puteau lasa linstiti copiii in compania televizorului pentru o ora.

Despre ce emisiuni este vorba ? Despre Arlechino , o emisiune gazduita de Mihai Gruia Sandu cu niste sketchuri excelent realizate (Masina Timpului, Omul din Delta, Batalia) si mai ales despre Abracadabra ! (Prezentata initial sub numele de ”Magiacianul”). Arlechinul a cam pierdut audiente dupa 1997, odata cu inlocuirea lui Mihai Gruia si cu aparitia unor alternative la emisiunile pentru copii. A disparut definitiv in 1999 pe cand Abracadabra a mai rezistat pana prin 2002 (2001 mai exact insa ProTV a mai difuzat reluari pana in 2002).

Pe langa cele doua emisiuni mentionate mai existau si cateva show-uri mai putin urmarite insa la fel de bine intentionate precum : Feriti-va de Magarus (Eugen Cristea) si Ba da, ba nu ! (Anca Turcasiu si Mihai Constantinescu – cocosii rosii si albastri) .Pe TVR Iasi aparuse (dar eram deja trecut de varsta) , ”In tara lui Piticot” cu o Andreea Marin digerabila. Emisiunea asta era tardiva si mult mai putin relevanta insa avea fani printre cei mici.

In fine, sa revin la titlu : Emisiunea Abracadabra. Pe Marian Ralea l-am observat in prima faza la un matinal TVR1 al carui nume nu mi-l mai amintesc. Era si inca este actor al teatrului Bulandra (a primit si un premiu Uniter ulterior), era simpatic si interpreta ocazional rolul Magicianului, care nu devenise inca un brand. A urmat natural emisiunea Abracadabra datorita succesului inregistrat de personaj. Marian Ralea avusese un fler deosebit alegand o gasca de pusti foarte talentati. Primii 4, considerati a fi ”cei mari” nu cred sa fi avut mai mult de 9-10 ani cand a inceput emisiunea. Vorbim de Ducu, Radu, Andreea, Mica , adica de cei care au dat nastere primelor sketchuri : Cenusareasa, Pinocchio (cu un Pinocchio magistral interpretat pentru varsta aia) si de celor cateva gaguri care nu tineau de lumea povestilor pentru copii. Magicianul a adus rapid si doua ajutoare mai mici , Dana Rogoz (Abramburica) si Geo Morcov (Abramburici – un alt sketch favorit al meu din perioada era cel in care aparea pentru prima data personajul Abramburici). Celebra si extrem de talentata Iulia a aparut mai tarziu. Din perioada asta imi amintesc ca imi placea foarte mult de Mica si oarecum planuiam sa ma casatoresc cu ea dupa ce mai distrugeam ceva monstri. (Oh well, parea ingenua si neajutorata iar eu pe la sapte-opt ani, adica in 1995, ma credeam un fel de robot-dragon. Don’t ask…)

Dupa doi sau trei ani de audiente excelente pentru o emisiune a postului national, Abracadabra s-a mutat la ProTV. Deja ”cei patru mari” , adica primii actori de sketchuri ajunsesera la problematica varsta a adolescentei. Inca mai aveau gaguri si concursuri bune si Marian Ralea era destul de iubit. Popularitatea crescanda a emisiunii printre cei mici si foarte mici i-a facut pe cei de la ProTV sa le acorde mai mult spatiu de emisie si sa-i sprijine prin intermediul trustului MediaPro in scoaterea unei reviste destul de reusite pentru vremea respectiva. Emisiunea incepuse sa se centreze pe nou-veniti, micuta Iulia fiind promovata intensiv. Canta (”Inima de tiganca” – un hit tardiv), dansa, juca in piese si se zvonea ca era si principala sursa de venit a familiei sale. Ahh, si mai era si o pustoaica draguta, in sensul pur empatic al cuvantului. Din perioada asta mi-au ramas in cap piesele cantate de ”cei mari” precum ”Sa fii copil i-un lucru serios” si ”Nu sunt gras, sunt doar voinic”.

Ce s-a intampla pana la urma ? Pai in primul rand s-a intamplat tineretea si adolescenta cu primii si poate si cei mai talentati dintre asistentii Magicianului. Pe ei i-au rapit ”nazuintele tineresti”. Radu, Andreea, Mica si Ducu au plecat spre alte proiecte (sperau ei). Au disparut pentru o perioada din atentia publica pentru a mai avea ulterior aparitii sumare la emisiunea Generatia Pro a lui George Vintila. In lipsa unor actori mai experimentati, Dana si Geo au preluat stafeta alaturi de o invazie de actorasi mici recrutati pe parcurs. Faptul ca sketchurile se oprisera strict la segmentul de varsta 6-9 ani, fara sa mai aiba si doza aia de umor care te putea face sa le urmaresti usor condescendent si de la varste mai mari a contribuit la ”caderea francizei”. Obsesia pentru comercial si cantiativ ii lovise aparent pe membri.Marian Ralea s-a intors la actorie iar restul de oameni s-au disipat prin trustul MediaPro, in cazul in care nu si-au incercat norocul in tagma muzicii dubioase (vezi cazul Bambi).

Daca ti se intampla , cuprins de nostalgie, sa cauti Abracadabra pe Google cel mai probabil vei da de behaiala lui Nicolae Guta care a lansat aparent un album pe tema asta. Pe locul II vor fi niste mistouri vizavi de dezvoltarea fizica a Danei Rogoz si de pozele ei din FHM.

Revenind la Dana Rogoz, al carei traseu mai mult sau mai putin actoricesc il las la latitudinea comentatorilor, trebuie sa recunosc ca am dat de blogul ei in cautarile mele. Am fost mirat sa aflu ca nu a prea scris despre perioada Abracadabra desi am inteles ca i-a fost foarte draga emisiunea. Multumita lui Bogdan am dat de un comentariu de-al ei in care aflam in mare ce s-a mai intamplat cu vechea echipa Abracadabra. Comentariul este un raspuns la afirmatia unui utilizator conform careia ar fi vazut-o pe Mica prin Universitate si pe Andreea (Colombina) intr-o reclama :

Mama, mi se pare cool ca pomeniti de Abracadabra. Si mie mi-e dor de vremurile alea…aaaahhhh…pai sa va raspund pe scurt. Teo, cred ca atunci chiar ai vazut-o pe Mica, pentru ca ea a terminat Limbi Straine. Ne-am mai intalnit de atunci si poti sa iti zic ca nu s-a schimbat mai deloc. Andreea are un copil, un baietel, David, de vreo 3 ani daca nu ma insel si a terminat regia. Lucreaza in lumea asta, dar mai mult in spatele camerelor. (cred ca ea era in reclama aia, nu sunt 100% sigura, dar parca ea era). Radu a terminat si el tot regia si are de lucru. Abramburici – Geo, a terminat tot regia anul asta si ma intalnesc des cu el in Buftea, pentru ca e regizor la voci de desene animate. Ducu, cel de-al patrulea dintre cei mari, e producator la Acasa Tv. Iar despre Iulia nu mai stiu mare lucru.

Nu stiu cat de bune au fost alegerile celor cinci (eu ii vedeam mai degraba actori) si imi pare sincer rau ca Iulia a disparut din media. Ultima data aparuse pe la Meteo prin 2003. Oricat de siropoasa parea pentru unii activitatea lor, oamenii astia erau talentati. Ei vor ramane pentru multi ”Abramburici, Abramburica, Arlechino, Radu,Mica….”. (Citat dintr-o piesa a Magicianului. Mai avea omul cateva printre care si ”mega hitul” printre copilasi ”Eu pot, eu sunt magician”)

Marian Ralea a fost si ramane un actor bun insa pentru ce a facut la TVR si ulterior la PRO, jos palaria ! Din pacate, Marian Ralea a dat jos palaria de Magician pentru carierea actoriceasca si pentru costumul de Mos Craciun (doua Craciunuri Pro il aveau pe post de Mos Craciun misterios pe Marian Ralea)

(Magicianul)

(Magicianul si copiii – via Mik)

Nu am fost un mare fan al emisiunii dupa 1997 insa de fiecare data cand dadeam peste ea, ceva imi spunea : Uite niste oameni talentati !

Ce emisiuni au acum aia micii ? In general niste clone plictisitoare populate de creaturi bizare care-si spun moderatoare. Prins fiind in sala de asteptare a unei clinici am urmarit timp de o ora (da, o ora !) o emisiune pentru copii a superbului post B1 TV . Ce se intampla acolo ? O blegomana adormita se chinuia sa demonstreze ca cei doi gemeni de 10 ani adusi in platou nu sunt identici pentru ca nu deseneaza identic si pentru ca nu le place la fel de mult de o domnisorica mai mare adusa la randul ei in platou. Si da-i si pune-i sa deseneze, si razi singura ca proasta (la moderatoare ma refer) si mai da-i niste dume de doi bani. Concluzia spusa cu voce tare ? Gemenii nu sunt ”chiar” identici ! Copil de 8 ani fiind mai bine m-as juca de-a zidul decat sa ma uit la imbecilitati de gen…

Later Edit : Am primit un mesaj cu IP de New York care suna cam asa :

Julia S

Hey Krossfire! this is julia from abracadabra..i came across this blogg accidentally and i wasnt even sure what to say to you..especially since i havent been in touch with anyone ever since i left. I am turning 19 years old this summer, and i’ve been living in New York for almost 5 years now. That;s the short story of what happened ever since i left haha..so i guess i just wanted to thank you for your comment and i will check your blog from time to time..

xoxo, julia.

Un poster cu Abracadabra in formula de baza gasiti si pe blogul rezistentei.

P.S : De ce am trantit articolul asta aici ? Din acelasi motiv pentru care am facut si documentare extensiva pe tema Kelly Family . Pentru ca lumea uita ideile cu adevarat valoroase ! Din moment ce m-am abtinut de la mistouri in postul asta ma voi abtine si de la a raspunde la intrebarea : De ce nu scrii tu mai bine pe wikipedia ? Daca tot a venit vorba de magie, va prezint niste magie moderna, marca The Arcade Fire. Unul dintre primele videoclipuri interactive cu-adevarat interesante. Nu veti regreta clickul si asteptarea ! (via Tibi)

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Now, lots of people don’t know who Twiggy is mainly because Christianity, and God in particular tried to keep this a secret. Basically, at the beginning of time, God was not the only God created, although he was the most gifted. Beside his warlike twin brother, Allah and his sexually obsessed older brother Brahma…God had a cousin.

This cousin was no ordinary deity. He was retarded. Alhough Galacon (the guy who created everything , then misteriously disappeared) wanted to give him a cool name like Thornazar or Sod, all Twiggy could utter was ”Twigeeeeee”. So , this was it ! God had a retarded cousin named Twiggy. Somehow ashamed, he decided not to include the chapter about diety creation in the Bible. Even so…Twiggy’s legacy still reigns…

-Do you know why good people die all the time ? Mainly because God can’t keep Twiggy tied to the bed all the time !
-Know why Satan exists ? Because Twiggy tricked one of God’s beautiful but dumb lieutenants that God uses a syntethic lotion for his perfect skin.
-Do you know why lots of pure souls burn in hell ? Cause Twiggy messed up the Heaven and Hell indicators ! (He played ”smack the squirrel” with them)
-Know why wars are waged all the time ? Because Twiggy seems to think that throwing candy from the sky at people is good fun.
-Do you know why George W. Bush was never assasinated ? Because Twiggy had a son…
-Know why God sometimes doesn’t answer your deepest and purest prayers ? Cause Twiggy comes near his prayer-player and goes ”Neneneeeaah….Neannneanenenahh…”
-Know why the Romanian educational system exists ? Cause Twiggy likes to make lemonade out of the tears of children. (Even Satan is jealous !)
-Do you know why gay people exist ? Because…well, I don’t know…maybe they just like it that way

Graphical Description : Can’t make one, since I’m not a ”heathen”. However, most Twiggy represenations show us an old man, drooling, with a cloggy beard, an alcohool candy in one hand and a thunder in the other.

The thing is Twiggy is responsible for most evil in the world – not out of bad intentions but out of sheer stupidity. This is why we should cut God some slack and let the guy rest at times. We can pray to Twiggy instead – maybe he’ll do something good for a chance. Repeat after me : Bueaaahh..Bueaahh..Twiggeee…Money Me ! (Instead of making the sign of the cross, try hoping around in the room)

P.S : Never say his name out loud or he might hear you …he’ll wanna come and play afterwards !

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I’ve made a short list with things and people the world could go without. I’ll probably finish it some day or probably not. We’ll see. The list is not meant to be a top 10 – I simply number things for my own pleasure.

1.The Pope : I hold no grudge against the actual, the former or the future Pope. However, I don’t seem to understand his absolute necessity and the need of a Vatican City. Of course, Orthodox Christians have their own leader (or a formal one, anyway) but the Pope is considered to be a symbol, a ”necessity”. Why ? What does he do beside kissing babies ? (he doesn’t even do that anymore). If there’s something unclear about the Catholic dogma, his council will solve the problem and the heard will ignore it, as usual. Wouldn’t it be better for Italy to just sack the guy and turn Vatican into a nice museum ?

2.Fruit Flavoured\Fruit Perfumed Condoms : Seriously…what the hell ? Coupled who generally practice oral sex do not use condoms at all. The others ? Well…during the sexual intercourse men don’t generally feel the need for a smell that tells ”You’re raping a fruit salad !”. Since most couples take a shower shortly after the sexual contact, smelling like a grapefruit ”down there” holds absolutely no advantage.

3.Pornogrind : This is actually a form of metal music, and subgenre of the grindcore metal subgenre (typical relation between metal genres). Not only was grindcore bad enough (with very few exceptions), some guys with absolutely no musical knowledge (there are pornogrind albums which use only 2 chords !) started swearing on meaningless melodies, ”composing” 1-2 minutes long songs. Here’s a sample of pornogrindcore lyricism Kill women – die \ kill women – dieeee \ kill women – dieeeee\ Bitch ! (Anal Cunt – Kill Women)

4.The British Royal Family : Similar to the Pope. The difference is the British Royal Family is composed entirely out of retards and that their properties and lack of activity costs Britain enourmously. They’re also symbolic, holding absolutely no executive or legislative power. A recent poll has showed that more than half of the British people would have no problem if prince Charles & Co would subtely disappear out of the ”royal life”.

5.Sexual Education : Who gives a damn ? Sexual Education ? In the 6th and 7th grade ? Generally taught by people who lack communication abilites, sexual education might only mislead and annoy the youngsters. Media seems to do a hell of a job in ”educating” our youngsters. Why not pull some restraints on the media ? As society is evolving, you must check if your 7th grade daughter isn’t already a prostitute !

I might decide to continue this tome of crapiness…

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<<WARNING : This weblog does not encourage any of the activities described below. In other words : Don’t be a moron !>>

As I was getting awfuly bored of my usual software\metal\pick on someone routine, I’ve decided to start a new series called ”Do it yourself”. This new series will show you how to build extraordinary contraptions and things you’ve never even dreamed of ! The series will be filed under the English category.

I’ve also used ”explicit graphic material” to describe the required actions.So let’s buckle off with something simple…a time travelling device.

THE TIME TRAVELLING DEVICE (Click on the images to enhance)

1.Step One : Pick up about a dozen nails and a hammer. Although we won’t use them, nails and hammers generally give the impression that you probably know what you’re doing.

2.Step Two : Make sure you understand time travelling. We’ve made a schematics here which resumes over 100 years of scientific work.

3.See, time travel is basically based on bunny jumps. But before we use the magic of the bunny jump, we have to open up a time portal. A time portal is opened by smashing a wall with the newly aquired hammer. You basically make a hole in the wall. It does not bear any power on itself, but it can be considered ”symbolic”. Mind the neighbours…they’re all ignorant.

4.Now, you know the basics and have the portal ! All you need is the bunny power ! Buy as many bunnies as possible, and tie them to a sled. Sit on the sled (obviously) Make the bunnies leap as fast as they can towards the hole in the wall !

5.If you used enough bunnies (a couple hundred will do) you will be soon transported to the future, where people with white robes will try to reanimate you from your time travelling experience. To go back into the past…well, I don’t know how to do that, you figure it out

HAPPY TIME TRAVELLING EVERYONE ! SEE YOU IN EPISODE II WHERE WE UNCOVER THE MISTERIES OF ANTIMATTER GENERATION ! (ALL IMAGES AND MATERIAL HERE CAN BE LABELLED AS KRO$$FIRE ORIGINAL CONTENT)

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An old saying, which I’ve just invented claims that ”People aren’t interested in The Truth but in a convenient form of Some Truth”. This is what religion is based on : it offers someone’s truth, thus legitimating a superior instance”.

But what does the Church really stand for ? I’ll tell you : PR (Public Relations) ! the Church practises PR, in the name of God. And since God, as an intelligent superior instantance evaluated his risks, he hired multiple PR companies to spread his ideas. (Exemple : The Christians are an old Heavenly PR firm)

Why PR, though ? Because the Church promotes the image of a superior instance through its temples (promoting), it carries multiple PR campaigns (Fasting Holidays, Easter, Ramadan…) and offers permanent consulting. (confessions and absolution). The Church, regardless of it’s origin builds and represents the image of a divine authority in a environment which does not allow self-representation. Since the coming of Jesus, with the purpouse of founding ”Christian Incorporated”, no CEO of Heaven has ever stepped foot on Earth.

Speaking of Heaven, I must say that Saint Peter must be the head PR of this institution (Heaven Corporation) since he manages all guests and ”registered users”. According to the Holy Scripts he also founded two of the Heavenly PR companies from Earth.

Getting back to the Church : Does it practise a quality PR ? The answer : A definite NO ! How many people still trust the image of Divinity ? Few..very few people ! Thus, the great Heavenly PR companies should merge and summon a gigantic press conference which will be the start of a new large-scale PR campaign !

Although the history of PR promotes ”founding fathers” such as the incredible showman Phineas T. Barnum or the visionary journalist Ivy Lee, I believe that The Old Testament features a lot of undiscovered PR specialists. I wonder how much money did they get for the promotion of Heaven Corporation ?

My conclusion : Any form of organized religion represents a form of Public Relations !

(Father Cleopa – The last ingenious Heavenly PR specialist)

Copyright – This Article is under the incidence of Copyright Laws. All Rights Reserved to Vlad Stoiculescu aka Kro$$fire.

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